Control – Halsey
Ever since I was young, I’ve had moments of feeling completely disconnected with the world. I felt like I was outside my body – like the things happening weren’t actually happening to me, and I was an outsider looking in on my own experience. When I got older, people started recalling to me things that happened which I have no memory of. Things that I was supposed to have been present for. What would you do if your sense of self was broken – divided, in order to supposedly protect you?
I was diagnosed at age 24 with Dissociative Identity Disorder. In total, I have 4 dissociative personalities apart from my true self. In clinical terms, they’re known as alters. I prefer to refer to them as “aspects,” because while they each have their own names, they are still distinct parts of my whole – and different aspects are needed in some situations that my mind struggles to cope with on its’ own. I won’t tell you their names, or tell you about each individual one, because that farther distances and dissociates them from me – and acknowledging them as individuals gives it a power I choose not to let go of. I have been silent about my struggles with this because I have been afraid of the repercussions from people knowing. There is so much misinformation about dissociative personalities, and in the media and movies we are typically either painted as clinically insane to the point of no longer functioning in society, or as villains. Acknowledging that other parts of my personality do exist has helped me in dissociating less frequently – acknowledging that there’s an aspect of me which is reckless, and aspect which is childlike, an aspect which is protective, and an aspect which is sexual – they help me in being stable.
For further information on Dissociative Identity Disorder:
For further information on Borderline Personality Disorder:
Counseling Center in Richmond for Borderline Personality Disorder: