Act 2 – Scene 2: Hecate Hellfire

Circus – Britney Spears

Learning that I’m not always me – that my mind is broken – it very nearly shattered me in the worst possible way. I lost myself for a long time, and some days I still can’t admit it – even to myself. The realities of it are nothing like what you would imagine, and you never know whether it’s other people that you can’t trust, or yourself.

I finally found joy through my expression in the arts, but nothing has broken through and shattered those barriers like the friendships I’ve made through hoop dance. The hope that these little circles of plastic have given me is infinite.

It is likely that the dissociations I experience are just one symptom of having Borderline Personality Disorder. After seeing a therapist for two years, she recommended that I seek counseling in a clinic meant specifically for patients with BPD. Had my insurance not run out at that time, I would probably have that diagnosis today – and almost everything that I have read about it fits perfectly.

Some days, coping with my mental illness is easy. Others, it’s nearly impossible. All I want is to be accepted, and treated as though I’m human. Admitting this out loud? Maybe it’ll make things worse in some cases because of the stigma attached to mental illnesses outside the depression/anxiety/ADHD trifecta. I hope, though, that in speaking up about it, I can end some of those misconceptions associated with DID, and that my friends will have a better understanding of what makes me “me.”

For further information on Dissociative Identity Disorder:

For further information on Borderline Personality Disorder:

Counseling Center in Richmond for Borderline Personality Disorder: